I read an amazing Substack this week that was an absolute “AHA” moment for me.I know the list of events on the Life Stress Scale and can pretty much rank them in order of severity.
Tim and I have been talking about this a lot this past year with all of our changes and reflecting on what seems like an ever increasing amount of these over the past few years.
It has helped us take a deep breath when needed and accept that we need “downtime and respite” when we are not accustomed to slowing down.But what I don’t give much homage to is where the real work occurs—the Transition Zone.
Let’s start with the big events and how they rank on the Life Change Index Scale.
1: Death of a Loved One… for obvious reasons this gets 100 points on the 0-100 scale.Most would say that the loss of a child is the biggest loss one can go through.
However losing a spouse or any significant other is one of the most profound and challenging experiences that places a toll on our emotional, mental and physical health.
While I am blessed to have my core family still with me, we have experienced parental and pet loss simultaneously in the midst of other major life stressors.
Saying goodbye to a parent over the phone in the dark days of COVID was almost too much. Tragically losing our best canine friend, Roxie two days later seemed impossible to bear.
2: Divorce or Relationship Breakdown… Ranking at number 73, the dissolution of a marriage or significant romantic relationship can be emotionally devastating and bring about significant life changes.
Dealing with separation, custody issues, financial concerns, and adjusting to a new lifestyle can all contribute to high levels of stress. While we have been blessed to avoid facing anything as devastating as this, many do. The last “big breakup” of mine was 40 years ago and I can still feel the pain.
3: Personal Injury or Illness… This may be surprising that this is at number 53 and ranks above “getting fired”. If you have chronic illness, then the stress never goes away. The more you 'identify' with your illness and focus on what you can’t do, the more you perpetuate the negative impacts on your overall health.
I try NOT to admit how much I have been through in my lifetime and sometimes when I’m at a medical visit or sharing my journey with someone, my health struggles and story seem overwhelming and almost unbelievable at times.
Recently, I had to update my surgical history and was embarrassed and shocked at my list.I’m in my 6th decade and have already had 6 Orthopedic surgeries alone. For an athlete this can be extra depressing, and so I focus on what I ‘CAN’ do and look forward to kicking ass in my 60s. Forward thinking is the only way for me to survive this barrage of problems.
Throw in some major autoimmune issues, fun with menopause and hormones and a healthy dose of OCD - there is never a dull month in my life.I jokingly say I was conceived on a Sunday and that God was taking the day off! How else can you explain or cope with all of this?
4: Financial Hardship… Struggling with financial difficulties, such as job loss, bankruptcy, overwhelming debt, or foreclosure, can create immense stress and uncertainty.Financial instability impacts every aspect of life, from housing and healthcare to relationships and mental health.
It hits all the levels of the stress scale and Tim and I know it well!Having changed employers/jobs 3 times now in 5 years to ‘leaving’ a big company we poured our heart and soul into for 25 years.Each change had its own emotional baggage to sort through, some of which we still carry.The scars, hurts, and moral injury from those experiences can take years to undo.
5: Major Life Transitions… Significant life transitions such as moving to a new city, starting a new job, getting married, or becoming a parent, changing/losing friends/church groups/support systems can be both exciting and stressful.
We seem to have knocked off most of those items on the list in 2023 other than marriage/kids. We continually get comments and inquiries about us ‘living our best and wonderful life’ in sunny Florida. What people forget is the stress that transition and change brings. Livin’ la vida loca, comes with time.
I remember going on tropical vacations and imagining that running away and living a seemingly carefree new life would be so easy. When I think back to becoming a parent, I was so scared before, during and even after the birth of Olivia, despite my education and experiences!I remember not feeling ‘old enough’ at 31 to have a child, not experienced enough in life despite years of babysitting and actual education in pediatric development and care.
I suffered horrible postpartum depression with both of our kids and both Tim and I failed to recognize it because we were so consumed with all the other newborn stuff and adjustments to our family, work life, etc.
When I think back to our first major move from Canada to Oregon, I don’t remember it as being so difficult as this Florida move. We had a lot less to lose back then, and more to gain.
Young and freshly beginning Medical careers while all of our college friends likewise were physically scattering, we were truly starting out in life and had careers to connect us in the community.
After 30 years of building our core network and family, friend, faith community in Oregon, the loss of the lifeline is felt daily and requires time and effort to rebuild.
Adding up all the numbers from the Life Stress Index may enlighten you or may frighten you even more.
Proceed with caution!
Use it to recognize where you are at and give yourself permission to recover.Each event in our lives has its own timeline and period of healing. Many of us plow ahead out of a need to survive.Yet recognizing the transition and its life impact is crucial to adapting in a positive way.
THIS is where I struggle.
The Transition Zone.
I’m trained to find the problem and fix it. I’m a doer and honestly thrive being busy and doing.
Many of us want to end the pain, the uncertainty and the emptiness that change requires and brings.
But the real work is where the Transition Zone occurs.
And THIS is the only way to grow.
I’m learning a lot about the TZ and myself.
So, hang on to this teaser for next week.
I’m going to share my 'transition' struggle and I'm sure if I hashtag that on our social posts, we will get all kinds of new followers!!
Stay tuned as I leave you hanging…..
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