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May Hindmarsh, MD

The Transition ZONE—The Jenga Towers of Change

Tim and I have written about change, our struggles, and the growing and groaning pains that occur. Last week, after reading a friends’ Substack article on Transitions, I had another AHA moment and was about to share and got derailed with my long winded intro.

I hope you read about life stressors and how different events hold different weight depending on the circumstances.


Stack multiple life changes and stressors into a Jenga Tower and you are balancing a precarious pile that often truly comes crashing down on your emotional, physical and spiritual life.

 

As much as we hate the pain of the transition, that is where the real growth and change occurs.

When we’re faced with significant change, loss or uncertainty, we can often feel anxious, indecisive and for me especially ... feeling out of control! Transition periods are often marked by overwhelming emotions, the unknown, and even not knowing where to take our next step.

 

If you are a 'fix it' kind of person— you want to put an end to the pain and start searching for solutions instead of allowing yourself to feel. 

 

If you like to 'compartmentalize' then you often stuff away your emotions in a little box in your subconscious.If you are a naturally 'emotional' person, often you are paralyzed by the wave of intense feelings or act out in unnecessary rage. 

The hardest part in all of this is having the ability to pause and learn. 

 

Pause is to allow ourselves time, rest and healing. I have been so hard on myself during this immense pile of changes that I couldn’t even see the importance of the pause.   

 

I have ALWAYS pushed through the pain of physical ailments, and now I literally can’t. I have found meaning and purpose in immersing myself in career and raising a family but now I’m retired and my children are adults. 

 

What next? I have always found solace and company from my best friends and church connections— and now my community is thousands of miles away. 

Where there always was an ‘out’ or a distraction in my life before our move to Florida— now there is none. 

 

Giving ourselves grace to pause is hard.But here is where the magic occurs. This is the place we REALLY grow

We learn so much about ourselves during these transition periods. We learn courage to put ourselves in new and vulnerable situations. We can discover new skills and hobbies. We can be vulnerable in meeting and connecting with new people. We can be surprised by strengths we never knew we had and discover long forgotten talents. 

 

I have realized that God needed me to learn a WHOLE lot about myself. 

 

The unraveling of all my normal support systems and escapes were all taken away this past year. 

I’ve been struggling with multiple chronic ailments and continuous orthopedic issues that my normal physical outlets were completely stripped away. 

 

I retired from a 30-year career and have been 'employed' ever since age 15 and now suddenly I am faced with the mindset shift of relying on income in a whole new way and the mindset shift of my husband as the sole income earner. 

 

I have moved across the country from my friends, church and favorite haunts.I have no familiar 'nest' and have to establish new memories, home and friends. My children are independent and my husband is pretty self sufficient too (LOL). 

 

Who am I?

Where do I begin?

Where do I contribute?

Where do I find meaning and purpose? 

 

These are my growing pains in this ‘pause' period of life.  

For many of us, it’s a very scary and vulnerable place to be when we are faced with getting to know ourselves.We can feel emotionally naked and not know where to begin. Apparently, it was time to 'get to know myself' all over again. 

 

God knows I am a tough nut to crack and I finally realize it took HIS timing and aligning of circumstances to strip away all of my hiding places. 

 

I hope that as you work through major transitions in life you will take the time to pause

 

Allow yourself to learn instead of running away from the pain. 

 

Dr. Keith Ablow has a notable phrase and podcast called “pain to power”. (Hint, he may be an upcoming guest in the future).

 

Let this be a time to turn your transition period of  growing pains into your next superpower.


Some thoughts from one of my favorite bands: 


Sometimes I'm in a room where I don't belong

And the house is on fire and there's no alarm

And the walls are melting too

How 'bout you?

I've never been the favorite, thought I'd seen it all

'Til I got my invitation to the lunatic ball

And my friends are comin' too

How 'bout you?

Don't worry, it's all just a symptom of being human

Unpack all your baggage, hide it in the attic, where

You hope it disappears

This all seems so familiar, but it doesn't feel like home

It's just another unknown

You've always been slightly awkward, kind of weird

Upside down and not all here

Right or wrong, it's all so crystal clear

Sometimes I'm in a room where I don't belong

And the house is on fire and there's no alarm

And the walls are melting too

How 'bout you?

I've never been the favorite, thought I'd seen it all

'Til I got my invitation to the lunatic ball

And my friends are comin' too

On a ship of fools

Don't worry, it's all just a symptom of being human

                                     

 -Shinedown

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